Well might be unrelated but wanted to clear my mind out. Also This blog/post is quite related with the first blog I had published in this site Getting Started ! ! Past Present Future at a random night like in 2nd of August Its been around 5 months from them alot of things happened good and bad, some learning some, some fear and again the feeling of being a huge failure.
Although I don't really know how to structure this blog and honestly don't even want to structure of make it SEO Friendly, just some raw thoughts and emotion.
So since the starting of August I tried to learn somethings meaningful started learning fundamental web development. Started with JavaScript build basic project like to dos, don't know why posted it one linkedin and suddenly my image turned into a good programmer in my tier 69 college and got the "nazar" didn't continue it. Turned into my old myself, procastination, wasting time, mas**bating everyday, not learning and building and what not.
Recently I stumbled upon a hiring post over linkedin without much thought applied to it and somehow got selected which I wanted to keep secret because whenever I tell something good to someone somehow every time the good thing doesn't really happen with 100% strike rate. Now today morning I reached out to the HOD about leave regarding the internship as it was on-site which the HOD had already confirmed before, he told me he was busy and to bring him the application latter. But today we had a meet with all CSE and AIML students and faculty members of our department and the HOD just told every , literally everyone about my Internship and now I am crying because definitely something bad going to happen, My internship is getting cancelled and will be getting fired , Never going to be skilled enough and land decent job and will be continue to a failure, bigger everyday.